Victim

It was an offer I couldn't refuse. He was right. I couldn't refuse.
And so here I am... on my death bed.
I thought I would pull through. I feel so alive inside my head for long moments of time, absolutely cognizant and aware of every horrible thing, the nightmare I can not wake up from, thoughts and arguments and regrets rushing through the mass transit of my mind, keeping me alive, anger pulsating through my veins, disgust with everyone and everything, keeping me alive, but hurting and tired, so tired, I know I should not look at the light - there really is a light, crazy, right? - but my head hurts and my heart aches and the anger gives way to sadness and despair and the light is so beautiful and not at all too bright but soft and beckoning and peaceful. Instinct tells me not to look at it, because as I stare...